


Lost?

by SpikedGutz



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Depression, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Hospitals, I cried while writing this, M/M, Sad Ending, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Why Did I Write This?, You Have Been Warned, You might cry, read at 3am for the angst to hit ya the hardest
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-07
Updated: 2020-09-14
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:53:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25757656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpikedGutz/pseuds/SpikedGutz
Summary: When Oikawa starts acting unlike his usual ecstatic self Iwaizumi has no choice but to go and check on him. What he finds is nothing short of horrifying~
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Kudos: 16





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I am not good when it comes to writing so do expect the half of this to be grammatical errors  
> this is the first fic i have written so do go easy on me please  
> -  
> This was supposed to be a vent writing that I wasn't gonna finish but h e r e w e a r e

IWAIZUMI P.O.V.

Iwaizumi walked through the halls of Aoba Johsai, heading to the gym. On the way there Iwaizami passed some girls and heard a small snip of their attempted quiet conversation. “Have you seen Oikawa recently, it's like he's lost all glow” then the other jokingly whispered back “oooOoOOh what if he's on drugs”. At this Iwaizumi stopped and glanced at the girls with sharp eyes. They both squeaked and ran off. Iwaizumi thought to himself that Oikawa had been acting weird recently but then again even a guy like him would have highs and lows but he wouldn't drop that low? Not the guy that Iwaizumi had known for his entire life? No he wouldn't, it's probably just nothing Iwaizumi said as he simultaneously erased what he just heard from his mind. 

When Iwaizumi got to the gym he looked around for the familiar face of Oikawa but saw him nowhere. He and 12, Kindaichi locked eyes for a split second as they asked where Oikawa was. Yahaba said quietly that he had gone home early. Iwaizumi looked confused. Oikawa never skipped practice and just as he thought this the familiar voice of Oikawa himself rang out from behind him. Iwaizumi turned around to see the tired face of Oikawa. He studied the rest of him then his eyes landed on Oikawa's left arm. It was laced up with bandages but quite tightly like he was trying to cut off his circulation a bit. Iwaizumi walked to him slowly as Oikawa announced that he was going to skip practice today. Iwaizumi breathed in and quickly whispered in his ear “lets talk outside” then with a hand flipped him around and to the side of the building. 

Oikawa's bag made multiple clicking noises from the inside as he pulled him to the side but Iwaizumi ignored it. Iwaizumi pushed Oikawa against the wall of the gym and studied him again. He did look more tired than usual and a bit off from his normal ecstatic behavior. Finally Iwaizumi broke the crushing silence and slowly asked what happened to his arm. Oikawa looked down and quietly said some nonsense about tripping on the stairs of his apartment. Iwaizimi put a bit more pressure on his left arm and Oikawa glared up at him then slapped Iwaizumi’s hand away forcefully. What Oikawa didn't know was that his bag was slightly open and with this sharp movement as if in slow motion a blue and white pill came falling out and slowly landed on the ground and bounced a distance away from them. It happened so fast that Iwaizumi didn't have time to react. Oikawa quickly pushed him onto the ground and stumbled on his bad knee as he grabbed the pill then he continued to rush away as fast as his bad knee would take him. Iwaizumi watched him run off, stunned still on the ground. He stared up at the sky processing what just happened. He thought to himself it was probably just a pain killer for his arm but he couldn't help remembering what he had overheard from the two girls. No, he refused to accept that he was on some dangerous drug. No, it was just a painkiller he decided on. He then slowly pushed himself up forcing the growing anxiety down into the pit of his stomach. Iwaizumi slowly paced back into the gym, convincing himself that nothing was wrong and that Oikawa just needed some rest. Simple, right? He knew it was a mistake to push it down… 

OIKAWA P.O.V.

Oikawa couldn't remember the last time he had run this fast. Hot tears trailed down his face whenever they got the chance. Oikawa wanted it all to end. He ran to his apartment and unlocked the door and shut it just as fast. He was tired of everything. The people, school, his friends, even volleyball. It all became a distant thought that was stored in the back of his mind. He limped over to his room and opened the door then retreated under the covers of his bed and fell asleep. 

IWAIZUMI P.O.V

Iwaizumi thought of going over to Oikawa's apartment after practice but he, not going with his gut, assumed that Oikawa would be fine. He would call him when he got home. Practice had been tiring and quite dull without the usual Oikawa to brighten things up, in fact this seemed to have taken a hit on everyone's esteem and they called it a day early. Iwaizumi went home thinking about sleep so when he got home he did just that, completely forgetting about everything else. He got dressed and put some soft music on then continued into bed where he had a restless night. Iwaizumi woke up the next morning in a cold sweat, he attempted to recall his dream or nightmare, whatever way you take it, but it was already long gone. Iwaizumi got up and got dressed for yet another boring school day with the small excitement of seeing Oikawa lurking at the back of his head.  
Through the halls Iwaizumi didn't see Oikawa at all then during the break between classes he went looking for him. He checked every usual place that this man could possibly be but to no avail. Iwaizumi couldn't push down the feeling inside of him now. Something was wrong, Oikawa never left school early and he most definitely didn't skip school. He stopped ignoring the deep feeling of dread that made his stomach sink and quickly pulled his phone out. Texting the rest of the volleyball team to tell them that he was going to dip from school for a bit then threw the phone into his bag without checking for responses. 

OIKAWA P.O.V

Oikawa woke up at 9 and laid staring at his ceiling. He somehow hoped he would just have died in his sleep but as he knew the chances were slim as anything. Staring at the ceiling was a great time soak but Oikawa eventually thought to himself that he had waited far too long. He forced his body up out of bed grabbing a box from underneath his bed and the walking to the bathroom and setting it down. The bathroom smelled of roses as Oikawa always kept a vase of fresh roses in there. He breathed in the smell deeply and after setting the cardboard box down he moved out of the bathroom one last time. Towards the kitchen to get a knife he probably wouldn't need as the razors would do it all for him. After he grabbed the kitchen knife and was going back Oikawa saw his bag that had been tossed aside from yesterday's madness. He picked it up pulling out two bottles of pills, a roll of bandages, and lastly his phone. His phone blinked on and the screen read 9:45. Oikawa set the phone back into the bag and got up to go back to the bathroom. Adrenaline surged through his veins as he opened the cardboard box and took one shiny and polished razor blade out. 

He spoke to himself quietly as if reassuring himself. This is coping, it's okay he repeated over and over again. Oikawa plugged the bathtub and ran the water for a few seconds then turned it off. He then took his shirt off and with the razor and pill bottle in hand, he got into the shallow warm water. The pills were in fact painkillers but a mix of different kinds. Oikawa took a handful of the colorful pills into his hand and set the bottle down. Looking down at the contents of his hand and scanning the pills. One caught his eye. It was a blue and white one, the kind he had dropped yesterday in front of Iwaizumi. Iwaizumi. I wonder if he realizes i'm not at school he wondered silently as he swallowed pill after pill until his hand was empty. Things started to move on their own after that. The scent of roses clogged his lungs as water would. He brought the razer up to his arm and cut the bandages away from yesterday and peeled them off. Throwing them to the side he then sank the razor into his wrist. He felt nothing but saw the blood plume and swirl through the water. It looked marbled and ever so beautiful. The blood swirling in his warped vision. Oikawa laid his head back onto the silver tub spout. It will finally be over, no one even knows i'm gone. No one probably even cares. It's better this way. Oikawa lifted his hand slightly to tral it in the water. His head spun and suddenly felt the urge to throw up. He could care less so he did. Becoming drowsy he laid his head back and closed his eyes, putting the razor back on his arm. No one will miss me kept echoing through his head. No one cares, no one will care, no one has ever cared. He mindlessly cut all over his arm until he blacked out, not hearing the desperate banging on the door of his apartment.

IWAIZUMI P.O.V

Iwaizumi had been to Oikawa's apartment on a few occasions but it was enough for him to remember where he needed to go. He dashed up the stairs and bolted to Oikawa's door. He knocked and kept knocking until he tried the knob and it just swung open. He immediately knew something was wrong because of the fact that no noise could be heard from anywhere. When he stepped a few feet inside he smelled it. The smell hit him like a high speed volleyball. The metallic smell of blood. Iwaizumi wasted no time in running as fast as he could to the cause of the scent. The bathroom door was wide open with the light on. The first thing that Iwaizumi saw was the box then his eyes traveled over to see the knife but his eyes drifted over that like it wasnt there. Then he saw the pill bottle knocked over spilling pills onto the ground then Oikawa's limp body in the tub.

IWAIZUMI P.O.V

He stumbled over to the body of his friend in the tub. The blood from his arm was still mixing with the water at the end of the tub which meant it would have been recent. Iwaizumi grasped his phone weakly and called the hospital. He screamed into the phone that his friend was hurt and needed immediate help. Oikawa was bleeding out and with the overdosing of the pills. Who knows how much time he had left. Iwaizumi hung up the phone after they confirmed the location and were sending an ambulance. Iwaizumi wanted to vomit. Salty tears ran down his face as he desperately willed for him to wake. He couldn't touch him. He was afraid of what would happen. He couldn't pull the razor out of his left arm that was submerged in the tub. He couldn't do anything but cry. Looking up at Oikawa's face resting on the shower spout he looked almost peaceful. To Iwaizumi thinking this was the last thing needed for him. He vomited till there was nothing then went back to Oikawa. He couldnt leave his side not now. He looked at Oikawa's face again then pressed his face on the tub ledge, getting blood on his forehead. He reached out and sank his hand into the blood water to grasp Oikawas. The ambulance seemed to take forever to arrive. When he finally heard the sharp siren blaring Iwaizumi felt overjoyed, but what if it was too late for him. Oikawa was rushed to the ambulance then the hospital. As they were leaving with Oikawa on a stretcher Iwaizumi glanced around and his eyes settled on the roses. He would have to get Oikawa some after this was all over. 

IWAIZUMI P.O.V 

Iwaizumi sat in one of the uncomfortable hospital chairs with his head down low. He hadn't told any of the people from the volleyball club yet. He didn't want to say something till he knew for sure...  
What felt like another eternity later the doctor came out of the room. He looked down at Iwaizumi and slowly spoke.  
“He's alive for now, but we can't promise anything for the next few days. It's up to his own body and will now. For all we know he can die tomorrow.” The doctor spoke bluntly but Iwaizumi guessed they got used to it. Breaking people down, telling them someone they loved was long gone and dead or his case almost dead. He could feel the doctor's eyes on him but he continued to look down at the floor, tears dripping off of his face. “You can go in and see him now.” the doctor said with a sigh then he walked away. Iwaizumi got up and slowly forced his legs to Oikawa's hospital room. Once inside the room he broke again. What had been lowered to a few small tear drops became a flow again. Seeing that body barely moving much less breathing would be forever embedded into his mind. Forcing himself to move again was pain but his legs would give out if he didnt. Iwaizumi moved to the window and sat on the ledge looking out at the clear sky. Seeing the stars shining brightly automatically made him think of Oikawa. Everything led back to that almost lifeless corpse 10 feet away from him. He shook himself and pulled out Oikawa's phone from his pocket. Surely there must be a reason and he thought that his phone would be the answer. He clicked the phone on and went to the notes section and scrolled through all of the note tabs. While scrolling he started to think that this was going to be hopeless then one caught his eye. The title of the note read “Lost?”. Iwaizumi inhaled and prepared himself for what might be waiting then opened the note. 

—I wonder what Iwaizumi really thinks of me these days. I remember the nights we used to spend as kids. Looking at the stars and not having any care in the world but that's changed now. Feelings are far too complicated but every time i look at him i feel something different. Do I like him? Is that a question I should be asking myself. He would think I'm disgusting. What am I thinking? I really am lost amidst all these emotions.  
—I really am disgusting trash. Ha. I couldn't even talk to him today. How can I ever think that I’d be good enough for him?  
— I’ve had enough of trying to hold emotions in. I’ve given in to the drugs and razors. There’s no coming back from this and there is definitely no way I can tell Iwaizumi how I actually feel now. I’m drowning myself In multicolored capsules and blood stained towels. If I ever had a chance with him then that chance is gone.  
— Today I have decided. My presence is no longer needed here. Tomorrow I’ll say goodbye to the people I know. Tomorrow I’ll say goodbye to the stars then I’ll become one. 

Iwaizumi dropped the phone. It seemed to fall in slow motion then finally hit the ground and shattered. Breaking the crippling silence. This was far from what he expected. He felt sick. How could he have not noticed any of this. From 10 feet away he heard a soft groan. Iwaizumi rushed over to Oikawa’s bedside. His eyes were slightly open. Open enough to see the tears tainted face of Iwaizumi looking down at him. Oikawa smiled up at him weakly. “S-s I see... I’m still h-here.” Iwaizumi just looked down at him unable to speak. “W-what’s with t-that face…” spoke Oikawa again. 

Iwaizumi finally found his voice. “YOU ARE SO STUPID. YOU COULD HAVE TOLD ME. WHY WOULD I HAVE THOUGHT THAT YOU WERE DISGUSTING. DID I ONCE SAY THAT I COULDN'T LIKE GUYS. Did I once say I couldn’t like you….?” He tried to scream the entirety of what he wanted to say but his voice broke too fast. Oikawa’s eyes widened and small tears started to trail down his face. “S-so you k-k-know t-then…”. Iwaizumi realized that his voice was becoming weaker and softer. He couldn’t have much time left. Iwaizumi reached his hand out and grasped Oikawa’s. “Please don’t leave me here alone....please Oikawa” Iwaizumi said slowly. Oikawa gripped Iwaizumi’s hand. “H-hey I-Iwaizumi… I-I've been meaning t-to tell y-you something…” Oikawa focused his eyes on Iwaizumi’s face. “I-I’m sorry b-but I-I love y-you.” Iwaizumi’s tears fell onto Oikawa’s face as he shakily said back “I-I love you too you stupid fool.” Oikawa smiled with the last of his energy. “I’m glad…” 

Flatline. 

The sound rang through his head and threatened to shatter his eardrums. He fell to the ground. It was over. All over now. 

Oikawa had become a star… just like he had wished for.


	2. Yo

OKAY SOOOOOO I WAS REREADING THIS AND I WAS LIKE  
HEY  
I DIDNT PUT IWA THROUGH ENOUGH PAIN SO  
ILL BE BRINGING THIS BACK WITH WHAT HAPPENS TO IWA AFTER OIKAWA GOES GOODBYEE   
SO HOW MUCH MORE PAIN CAN I PUT IWA THROUGH   
WE WILL SEE   
AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA

YEaH iM noT niCe oKaY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> : )
> 
> Get ready folks cuz shiit bout to happen
> 
> A g a i n


End file.
